The Invitation

Recently I received an invitation to attend church with a "friend."

I don't want to go.

Yet, I am learning some very valuable lessons about the things one must do in order endure some tough seasons throughout life.

Don't get me wrong. Going to church is not the worse thing in the world. In fact, it can be a very beautiful experience. Yet, when the relationship with the one who has done the inviting has been extremely damaged, the issue of trust is very real.

I no longer trust the motive of the person who did the inviting. Maybe she is doing it as a way to extend an olive branch and because she does care. I get it. Yet, in going, I know I must be careful and mindful of such motives. Some very recent experiences have emphasized the value of being guarded as a way of protecting oneself in an effort to survive.

I am not comfortable in traditional churches. It reminds me of too much pain.

That's not to say that all people who go to church don't have good intentions - in fact, I think that most do. I just don't want to be caught up in a drama that includes an intense scrutinization by its actors. My memories of this type of socialization are not pleasant, nor do I have a desire to revisit them.

So, to keep the peace, I will go.

Maybe I can follow her and just drive my own car.

I've Been Changed

While at times painful, change can be the mere culmination of God's ultimate transformation for one's life to do the great and miraculous.

Spiritual Revolution

He Whom the Sun Has Set Free

The main piece I love about my spiritual walk over the last five years has been my new relationship with liberation. There is nothing like being free to think for oneself without fear of reprisal. It is not a freedom I take lightly or for granted.

Once I began to fully recognize what freedom in Christ looked like, my faith grew stronger and I drew nearer to God. I realized - with all its good intentions - that traditional Christianity and its interpretation by some served as a form of spiritual and psychological enslavement. I realized I lived my life in a perpetual quest to meet standards not intended for me to succeed, rather to keep me controlled by a doctrine and a mindset that I would never really be good enough and that I must always strive for that brass ring of perfection in spite of the probability of never reaching it until I died. The weight of such a belief system is killing many spiritually, psychologically and physically everyday. I believe it accounts for the high rates of physical and mental illness in our society.

"Lord, make my life a function of spiritual truth." Herein lies the prayer that both changed my life and saved my life.

Not long ago, I read where Oprah was being heavily criticized because she dare shared her belief that there can't be only one way to God. Over the past few years I have wrestled with this very notion.

I have come to learn and accept that God is available to all who diligently seek Him. It's alright to seek Him on your own. God is capable or revealing truths that may be beyond conventional teaching. Yet, it takes tremendous courage and faith to seek God on this level.

In essence, I made a decision - one that brings me great peace - that I will not allow the interpretations of others to define God for my life. The evidence for a fulfilling life has become too powerful. I can't go back to a philosophy that served as the source of much pain and hypocrisy.

I choose life. I choose truth. I choose the open pathway to freedom in the Lord that enables me to live an authentic spirit-filled life for all aspects of my life.

The best is yet to come.

Receive the Power

As I think of my daughter so far away in Australia, I have had a unique opportunity to watch some of the World Youth Day (WYD) festivities live on the Catholic church's channel ETWN. While watching, I have grown to admire this beautiful song, Receive the Power. Sometime during the course of the programing as the song played, I was brought to tears thinking of the spiritual experience my daughter is having.

In speaking with her yesterday, she sounded so light, so happy. I can tell that her life has been deeply enriched by this experience. I look forward to her homecoming in just a few days.

I heard a commentator to the festivities this evening say something so profound. He said, the closer we come to God, the more we become our true selves. Wow! That describes exactly how I've been feeling over the last few years.

May you too be blessed by the spiritual message in this song.

My Life Changing Mid-Week Church Service

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned throughout the last five years is not only the power of studying the word of God, but truly having the experience of that word.

I have also discovered that the word of God is not merely limited to the well-known Holy Bible, but also other texts that serve as supplements and/or provide new found revelations that are capable of penetrating the spirit so much so that the heart knows a divinely inspired word when one reads or hears one.

I recall a life changing moment at the previous church where I was once employed. I had worked all day and had my 3-year old daughter at the time was with me. While tired, I really wanted to hear the speaker. I told myself that her behavior would dictate whether or not I would stay for this mid-week service for the speaker is someone I truly admired and wanted to hear in person.

That person was Pastor Carlton Pearson - the person who has been denounced by most in the evangelical community for his "heretical" views known as The Gospel of Inclusion today.

The night I saw him in 1996, he said he had another sermon in mind, but he had been led to share another message that God had been pressing on his heart all that day and the message was that "God loves you."

That was it.

Hearing that for some reason melted all the concerns and cares that seem to weigh heavily on my heart and my mind. The tears wouldn't stop flowing and my baby was an absolutely angel that evening behaving beautifully in the pews of the church.

One would think, "How could God not love us?" However, with all the harsh doctrine and in our individual quests to be perfect - lovable enough for a perfect being like God - I look back now and know that my "lovability" was always in question - whether consciously or subconsciously. Was I really worthy of God's love if I was always busting my butt in my efforts to earn it?

That message that evening helped assure me that I was more than worthy of God's love. I am the baby of the Great Creator who wants the best for me. As much as I love my baby girl - and it is a whole lot more day after day - I am convinced that God loves us all a gazillion times more.

Thank God for the opportunity to know and most of all experience that kind of love moment by moment. All we have to do is just say, "Yes" to allowing Him into our hearts and our daily lives.

My Prayer